penguinfaery: (random-"Bullocks to that")
Terra ([personal profile] penguinfaery) wrote2012-11-28 08:09 pm

(no subject)

Ugh IDK how I feel about rp right now, and I wanna get it off my chest in a format that is not plurk. This is in chunk why i dropped BN, and I really, really, really don't wanna drop ToS cause I love it there.

I don't really care about being anyone's first priority. Or even second or third. I'm slow, and I long ago accepted being slow is going to impact things. But, especially considering the group I run with , I feel like...idk, like my slowness doesn't adequately explain my issues. But I don't know what else it is.

The Games is going amazingly. I can always find rp there, I have plenty of long term and short term CR. But I just don't feel like I click anywhere else right now. I know some of it is being iffy about rp things makes me do circular logic behavior that doesn't help (like the last 2 weeks or so). I just feel like, outside of The Games I have like...4 people who rp with me on any kind of a consistent basis.

I am so grateful to those people, but I dunno what I'm doing wrong when I see my whole plurk list in a flurry of excitment, and my threads are untagged. or, ever worse, people saying they have nothing to do while those threads chill. I follow up on things, try to make interesting open posts, to tag out, and I feel like I can't break past surface level, if I break in at all. PSLs are planned, and then dropped, or never started, game CR doesn't seem to get past how do you do. I know getting people to tags your own plurk cr memes is hard as hell, but I'll poke into other peoples...and get no results. And I don't mind putting in more work, but I am sort of at a loss to how/where. I am the same in The Games as I am elsewhere, and have enough CR to fill a boat, but my last thread before dropping Bete Noire was only tagged by my two rp bffs.

And, I don't think it's anyone fault. Like I think every single thing has a really valid reason behind it, and no single person has snubbed me or anything (and if any of the above seems sorta wishy washy, it's because I don't wanna call anyone out or make anyone feel guilty because they shouldn't, so I avoided specific examples.) And on top of that no one owes me anything, it's a game. I'm not upset with anyone. I just know, when something happens to you over and over again, it's not them. It's just a trend and I'm sorta lost. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong, and it's frustrating. And then it makes me less active because I'm so unsure, which only perpetuates me seeming slow. I know some of it is the season, but I'm also comparing to other players playing in the same games at the same time.

So yeah.