penguinfaery: (random-STEVE-jake and roland)
Terra ([personal profile] penguinfaery) wrote2011-12-26 05:00 pm

I have no appropriate icons for this post.

I had a wonderful Holiday!

Christmas Eve me, Be, Mom and Ki went to see The Muppets again (that movie makes me so very happy) and than went to Village Inn for dinner cause it was the only place open at 9 pm on Christmas Eve XD Me and Be figured out how to Cosplay Miss Piggy and Kermit, which will be awesome (And Sarah is going to go for the entire Manamana skit),

We all cried and felt like better humans afterwards, which I think is what The Muppet movie is for.

Then Christmas, the above plus Sarah and my dad had my special Christmas breakfast, and then opened presents. I got some awesome and unexpected things, and all my presents seemed to go over well, so it was pretty awesome, low drama and just good times and family. I was with or talked to most of my loved ones, and Be was so cute with her new Captain America hoodie. Then we went over to her parents which was...better than expected. In part cause I curled up on Ki and slept.

It was a good mellow holiday. Made me happy.

So this was my fist year in...what 7? Not buying stuff for Ju.

At first it was really hard. I'd be shopping and be like "OMG that would be so perfect for-oh." And it'd be a big old sucker punch to the gut. And let me tell you, that girl would have been spoiled this year.

But than I realized how much a relief it was. No one has ever made me feel like my gifts were so unappreciated and pointless. They were usually generally ignored, while she fawned over someone elses. I remember working so hard last year to figure out how to make her ghost in a jar and lightening in a jar, and she just...didn't give a shit. Or didn't act like she gve a shit. Which, when she turned around and acted like Rose had hung the moon for buying her a necklace...it wasn't like she just reacted mellow to gifts, or something.

I also always felt...I mean through out our whole relationship but Christmas just sorta distilled it...how incredibly much I over gave to Ju. I'd buy her....TONS of gifts and get like a t-shirt in return. And it made me feel gross on so many levels, not the least of which was that it put into sharp contrast...how little I felt she gave back to me. You shouldn't be thinking about that on Christmas, it's the anti-thesis of Christmas. But it just...I dunno the person who was suppose to know me best should have been able to shop easily for me. And it's not a money thing, like I said, I made a chunk of her presents last year, but I also put a lot of effort into them, they were things she adored. But...I dunno how to explain it. It just all left me feeling very one sided. Which I think was just a symptom of the bigger issues.

There are gonna probably be more introspective posts like this, sorry guys. It's just...this was when I felt things crumbling under me, and now I year later I'm seeing things so much better.

Also, I am at dreamwidth as penguinfaery, and am going to make effort to use both.

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