penguinfaery | (no subject)

I had a whole set of those lovely nightmares where you wake up and know its not only true, but worse.

Idk. I hoped I'd wake up to some kind of message. But it was probably stupid to assume this has even broken her stride. I don’t understand how easily she cuts people out, but I'm sure its been done to me now too.

I just...don’t understand how I'm so disposable. Over and over this happens, its gotta be me...I just dunno what is wrong with me. I really thought...idk. Ju was SO important to me, I would have done anything to make this work and she wouldn't do anything. Just toss me out when she's done with me. Everyone leave, and someone saying this is gonna say "I won't I would never..." but Ju was suppose to be one of my nevers. And idk...to her it just didn't matter? She wasn't even that upset last night. She wouldn't try to work on things (cause we argue all the time....our last argument was 4 months ago)

I just...idk. and I can't shake the feeling that a lot of why she left is because I'm a chick which is BS. But in the end I was unimportant. 7 years thrown out. I juat feel so used and worthless and I can't really handle that I'm not ever gonna have Ju in my life again. And that that was just fine and dandy for her. I was painting the furniture thing and got all excited to show her and just started bawling last night cause...she doesn't want to see, she doesn't give a fuck. She is glad to be done with clingy, demanding Terra.

I just wanna rip this all out.

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*Hugs!*

I'll give you a real big one too if I see you at Otakon. >=

Well, this isn't much comfort, but from how you're reacting to this breakup, you can at least say that you did it right while you were in the relationship. You were invested, and gave it your best, so in that sense the time was worthwhile. Breakups are not easy, and always awkward and messy, and you're going through a real hum dinger one right now *hugs*.

When I break up with someone, I got into Me First survival mode, so for me I don't react much at first. I have a hard shell and keep it together, then as the weeks and months pass, occasionally I think about them and grieve a little. I don't let it out all at once right when it happens, not usually, at least. If Ju is anything like me, she might think she's over it right now, but the truth is she will miss during certain moments in the future, so she will be paying her price too. Well anyways, I'll stop talking because outsiders never really know how to be helpful :/

I love you. I know I'm not as around as I would like to be, but even if we don't really talk so much anymore I want you to know that you have never and will never be disposable to me. I think about you all the time and I miss you like crazy. I don't know if that helps you at all or even makes you feel a little bit better but it's true.

I'm sorry that this happened and I wish there was something I can do to help if there is please let me know. I know she's really good about shutting people out to avoid awkwardness, but maybe give her some time to sit through and sort things out. You all could be friends again.

I know my loves not her love, but I love you dearly baby girl and I would call you but I think you already moved and I don't know what number to reach you at. I have off work all day today so I will try and catch you online at least hopefully. <3 I cannot stress that enough.

*long distance huuuugs*

Hey Terra? I love you. <3

You have always been around when I'm having issues, and you've been such a shoulder for me to lean on, love, and I just wanna let you know that this street goes two ways. I KNOW that being you, and with all the people that love you, that there are probably hordes of folks lining up to be your shoulder, but there is a little girl in Arvada who loves you a lot, and wants you to know that, too.

Really. You're an angel, you are not disposable. You are unique, beautiful and indispensable, and IDK what the hell glitch in the system led to the events that made you to feel that way, but you are so very important, and so, SO loved.

Oh honey. I don't know the details, but the superficial impression I get is so similar to what happened between me and my ex last year. It hurts when you feel like you're the only one doing the hurting, but like cloudyskies said, how she presents on the outside may not at all be how she's really feeling.

You're not disposable or replaceable or anything of the sort. Anyone who makes you feel like you are, you're better off not having in your life at all.

People better than me will say more insightful things.

But I'm sorry and I wish I could help.

You will never be disposable.