Terra (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
penguinfaery) wrote2011-11-11 11:37 pm
penguinfaery) wrote2011-11-11 11:37 pm
(no subject)
My brain has been weird. It is lingering places I don't want to be.
But it's not serious either. I mean things are. But I explained it to a friend as feeling like that moment after you tell a joke that flops in a group of friends. Like..you are awkward, and a little touchy...but you also know in 5 minutes it'll be forgotten.
Except I've felt like that for a week.
I have a bunch of things going on. And like...none of them are out of hand, but they are hanging over me. And I just have this gross like...creeping feeling up my spine that I'm awkward. And my brain keeps going to the worst, most complainy place.
But I'm also like...not upset. Except when I upset myself but that doesn't really count. I just feel...like I am bothering people.
I also keep thinking about New Years and what happened then. Possibly related to the above. It still makes me feel gross all over. All of it does, so that is sorta why I'm dumping it here so it's not in my head.
But I found out some stuff that made me feel better that...at least Ju wasn't like "I don't give a shit that I assaulted you." I mean...it still makes it a dick move, but a...reasonable dick move? IDK. Like it's fair to be a dick during a break up, but that wasn't...right. So I feel sorta better that that has shifted a lot, but still...idk. there is a lot of idk here.
I dunno (see?). I just wanted to get out my feelings somewhere before my head started leaking. Turning off comments just cause this was mainly rambly rambles.
But it's not serious either. I mean things are. But I explained it to a friend as feeling like that moment after you tell a joke that flops in a group of friends. Like..you are awkward, and a little touchy...but you also know in 5 minutes it'll be forgotten.
Except I've felt like that for a week.
I have a bunch of things going on. And like...none of them are out of hand, but they are hanging over me. And I just have this gross like...creeping feeling up my spine that I'm awkward. And my brain keeps going to the worst, most complainy place.
But I'm also like...not upset. Except when I upset myself but that doesn't really count. I just feel...like I am bothering people.
I also keep thinking about New Years and what happened then. Possibly related to the above. It still makes me feel gross all over. All of it does, so that is sorta why I'm dumping it here so it's not in my head.
But I found out some stuff that made me feel better that...at least Ju wasn't like "I don't give a shit that I assaulted you." I mean...it still makes it a dick move, but a...reasonable dick move? IDK. Like it's fair to be a dick during a break up, but that wasn't...right. So I feel sorta better that that has shifted a lot, but still...idk. there is a lot of idk here.
I dunno (see?). I just wanted to get out my feelings somewhere before my head started leaking. Turning off comments just cause this was mainly rambly rambles.