penguinfaery | 8 fears

8- Alien abduction. Aliens fascinate me. The though of waking up and seeing a gray staring at me from the end of the bed makes me want to pee myself.

7-Car accidents. I have been in some nasty ones, but the though of how dumb and inconsiderate most people are, and and the destructive power a car gives them...fuck.

6-Submarines. Fuck them.

5-People dying. I don't give a shit about dying. I'm terrified of people around me dying. My mom was seriously sick when I was a child (Cancer, breathing issues.) More then once I walked home to find paramedics outside my house. It has always been something that was always front and center.

4-The ocean. How big it is and how much it hides and how if you were plopped down in the middle of it...nothing. You've got nothing. No one will find you. There is just limitless nothing not only above and around you, but below you.

3-My body falling apart on me. Especially my hands.

2-I am not squeamish, but certain kinds of death (In movies...and I guess irl) freak my out. I won't go into gory detail, but certain ones just get to me.

1- That everyone secretly hates me, and is waiting for a chance to leave. Ju once asked me why I was afraid of that, that it would never happen. I think Ju proved my paoint fairly well.It has happened enough that I don't feel it is an unreasonably fear. And it makes me feel so deeply helpless, and I try not to dwell because it's also the kind of fear that becomes self fulfilling. I do not believe that was what has happened with any of the times it HAS happened, but it could.

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I definitely would not enjoy a submarine either. I'd be sick the entire time. The ocean is easier for me because then you just die. Like, if you have to suffer for a loooooooong time before you die, that's the worst. So for me, falling off a ladder is scarier than a plane crash because in a plane crash you're gone, but with a ladder you might survive even though you fell at the weirdest angle and blew every joint in your body and you'll never be the same and and... xD

8. Aliens don't frighten me, I think I would be more curious than scared, which means I'd be the first to get eaten, probably.

7. Car accidents no, airbags hell yeah, and now thanks to that PTSD, when people pop balloons it wigs me out.

6. The only way a sub would scare me would be if I was deep underwater and it (or any large vessel) went over me. I'd forget all my scuba rules and freak.

5. Dying doesn't scare me, for myself or others, but if I knew someone was in mortal danger, I would have to act. Even if it meant I got killed instead. Bears, wolves, snakes, doesn't matter. I just can't sit by.

4. I love the ocean. And I love shark movies, even though most are unrealistic as hell. I'd prefer death in the ocean over death in the Mojave Desert.

3. Alzheimers. Scares. The. Crap. outta me. I've lost loved ones to it. As soon as I find if have it for sure, I'm taking up combat alligator bungie jumping. Or skydiving. Or missionary work in Iran. Thats the worst death I can imagine.

2. I have fears of abandonment. And heights. Although I love hot air ballooning, and I jumped off a cliff on my last river trip.

1. Wasps are my kryptonite. I got stung by a nest on the back of my neck when I was a boy, and also used to get tickled in the neck a lot by my parents. Mess with my neck unannounced, and you are liable to come away with a serious injury.

maybe because i use to live in the mojave it could never worry me XD (The Utah sand flats did make me worry a bit)

I read a lot about subs for some reason. And something like the Kursk? Uggggh. I guess most that sink hit

So, can I assume you don't want to tag along for a leg of my epic cruise?

(Some-mun, if you don't remember this journal.)

As long as you swear to me if we start sinking you will shoot me before I end up in the water, and don't expect me to go swimming out at sea.

~~Except I am also compelled towards water, and getting into it. Never having been at sea, I dunno what would happen then...~~

idk if I'd be willing to swim out there. There's a whole lotta nothing.

This exerpt is from one of the best speeches Madea (Tyler Perry) gives in one of his plays. It seems a relevant rebuttal to your #1 Fear.

[b]Sonny:[/b] What am I supposed to do now?

[b]Madea:[/b] Get up and go on with your life. It's all right to sit around and be depressed for a minute. Cry about it. Do whatever you have to do, but don't stay there too long. Get up and go on with your life.

This is what I've learned in all these years on this earth. If somebody wants to walk out of your life, let them go. Especially if you know you've done everything you can do. If you've sat around and been the best man or the best woman you can be and they still want to go, let them go. Whatever they're running after, in a minute they'll see what they had, but by then it's gonna be too late.

Some people come into your life for a lifetime. Some come for a season. You've got to know which is which. And you're always gonna mess up when you mix seasonal people up with lifetime expectations.

I put everybody that comes into my life in the category of a tree. Some people are like leaves on a tree. The wind blows -- they're over here. They're unstable. It blows the other way -- now they're over here. The season changes. They wither and die. They're gone. Most people in the world are like that. They're just there to take from the tree. They ain't there to do nothing but take and give shade every now and then. That's all they can do. But don't be mad if people are like that. That's who they are. That's what they were put on this earth to be, a leaf.

Some people are like a branch on that tree. You've got to be careful about them branches too cause they'll fool you. They'll make you think they're a good friend and they're real strong, but the minute you step out there on them they'll break and leave you high and dry.

But if you find two or three people in your life that are like the roots at the bottom of that tree, you are blessed. Because they're the kind of people that ain't going nowhere. They ain't got to know what they're doing for you, but if those roots weren't there that tree couldn't live. You understand? A tree could have a hundred million branches, but only a few roots down at the bottom to make sure it gets everything it needs. I'm telling you, Sonny, when you get you some roots hold on to them, but the rest of 'em, let 'em go.

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