penguinfaery | LOOK OUT IT'S A TEAL DEER!

Ok so...geeze. Everything that happened.

So me and Miharu were chatting as we do. And I guess Lu did something that really ticked her off in their other rp, by undermining something she said. I dunno the whole situation, but I can sorta related cause the same thing has happened to me. I just shrugged and let it roll off, no BFD. I'm use to all mods getting together to decided something together so it was always kinda a "..." thing but never anything worth making a fuss about. Still I could relate and offered her a sympathetic shoulder. Anyone who's know Miharu for more then a week knows she gets really wound up and needs to just let things out.

Anyway, as we were talking, things started to come out. About how Lu was always bitching about how I was bossy and controlling (Kinda funny after how our last fight was centered around me NOT doing anything), and how she felt I'd betrayed her with my mod app or something along those lines because BOYS isn't the kinda rp she liked.* And today how she was afraid of me because of something with Brian, which I still don't understand. Cause I'm a person? Because everyone on her flist are what? Goldfish? That's where the post came in last night (The vague "Hey you" one)

This all hit a little too close to home. The last time I remember actively talking to Lu was at the beginning of the year. Now, don't get me wrong. Not one of these things bother me at all. Not seperetly. It's all rolled together: She hasn't comment in months. She hasn't poked me in IM and pretty much ignored me when I poked her. She hasn't included me in any of her "All my friends!" things. When I drew her art for her Birthday (something that anyone who knows me takes forever, but I specifically did to bridge this gap between us, assuming it was probably me causing all this) she was like "Thanks :D" in a DA comment. The smallest comment on the posting was from the person it was for. (To those who don't know her, if anyone like...sneeze in Lu's direction she post in huge sparkly text in her journal thanking them). She has an epic list of ____ is my ____ in her user info that I use to be on and am not anymore. She hasn't barely talked to me about any mod things for VDL, leaving me trying to answer questions from members I know just as much about it as. And don't even get me started on any plots. Like I said, one separate thing doesn't bug me. Don't feel comfortable talking on im...eh. Don't have time to comment? God knows I don't always. But altogether? You're telling me that's not suppose to hint at something? Really? I know I'm particularly paranoid about these things but...I think getting a "Don't like you" vibe there wasn't really carried away. The ignoring the friends cut was the icing on the cake.

Anyway, Miharu confronted her I guess. She(Miharu) showed me the chat, and anger made her a little incoherent which I think is causing a lot of this confusion, like that Ebi and her sister started this, etc. But at the end Miharu was all like "So you don't have any issues, we're cool?" and Lu...flipped. And posted a post in her journal saying she was gonna disappear on the internet. I'm not gonna sugar coat it, MAYBE the inmidian stuff was worse, but what I saw and said was NOT that bad. Not at first. No cussing, no caps of rage...it wasn't fluff and sugar coated but it also wasn't vicious or nasty. Both me and Miharu were like "Hey, dude, what is this? What's going on?"

And I replied saying "You know, not happy, but I wanna talk this shit out. I wanna believe this is a big misunderstanding." ~~Which I still do.~~ And pretty much just got the run around and the very strong "It doesn't matter how you feel, if you're hurt, if this upsets you because *I'm* upset. I don't care about or want to hear about your issues because it might upset me. Even if you feel you've been stabbed in the back, *I* can't handle this so *I* don't care." I'm not going to post any bits here, because it's flocked, and I respect that, but it was...very hurtful to me to see how much a "friend" cared. And ironic after she condemned Thess SO hard about pulling that kinda stuff (The "I have issues, so get a 'get out of responsibility for my actions free' card" type stuff)

Obviously by the end of things I wasn't playing so nice. Neither of us were, although Lu seemed to be acting like the victim left and right.

Anyway, I don't know what happening now.

I don't hate Lu, I don't think she's a monster or needs to go away or any of the shit she kept telling people people were telling her. I never saw anyone say ANY of that, or anything to that feel. The whole point of talking to her was to try to save our friendship, but honestly, the fact that she WON'T sit down and talk, not really, makes me believe...maybe it is true. I don't want to but....she won't give me anything to the contrary. Not even a "I'm sorry I need to calm down before I can talk about this." type thing. I've seen her be two faced with Miharu, with others, and I don't even really CARE about that (Everyone needs to vent sometimes) as long as I still know you're my friend afterwards. There are reasons Lu and I were friends (or so I thoughts) and a little high school gossiping wouldn't kill that.

It's hard not to "Abandon someone" when they pushed you away. When the second you're not fawning all over them, you're nothing to them. And that's how it feels. Maybe it's not the way it IS, but without talking it out...*shrug* I've comment on almost all her "Serious Business" posts, or tried to, and yet the fact that I haven't comment on what? Posts about a video game I don't know about means I don't care about her? When she wouldn't even reply to a friends cut? Sorry i reply when it counts and not when it's fluff.

Anyone on here can probably tell you I'll bend over backwards if the same will be done in return. Shit I offered the girl to come live here if she needed to. But making emo posts and not dealing with the issues isn't going to help jack. Not that one can't make posts to their journal (Obviously *cough*), but if that's ALL you do, is run for comfort and never face the issues, nothing will get done. Would you rather have the 50 people who fawn all over you to boost your ego, or the one true friend who cares enough about you to say "Hey, look, shit ain't right between us and I want it to be, let's talk."? Me personally, I'd rather have the few true friends.

I LOVE VDL and don't want it to go badly. With the rumblings I've been hearing from ALL corners, I'm worried...if Lu causes drama there it could fall apart. I hope that won't happen, I don't think Lu's childish like that, but I know she's threatened to close it down more then once. She hasn't been very active, and really I know more then a few people on her flist have noticed she's really not cared as much since starting inmidian, bad talking VDL more then once. I don't want it to die, and I don't want people to feel like they are forced to choose between us, and hopefully the rp won't be put in that position. Hopefully no one will. Hopefully this'll all get worked out and we can be honest with each other. But I'm so scared for it, and what might happen to it. Because that kinda thing can cripple rps, and I think we've got a good thing goin on, even if it does need a few kinks worked out.

Bah.

*Side note-During all this, I went back to read her little snit fit in boys. It's ironic how much she complained about what V was doing., Which is a lot of the exact same stuff she'd done in VDL.

Oy oy. That should all be taken with a grain of salt, as it's a lot an emotion dump and one sided. But I needed to get it out of my head.

This is public BTW. I believe getting things out there, opening a wound, is the first step to cleaning and healing it. I just wish I knew more whether this is something I should be pouring effort into, or if Lu just really does think so little of me that I shouldn't even bother.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

But whatever, I am not going to beat a dead horse and make this drama even more than it intitally was.

All I have to say to anyone who ever said a snide or elitest comment about how I operate my characters or how I interact in rps; these curt words...

"Mind yourself". Half of you aren't as great or as darling as you think you are.
Simply mind yourself and stop feeling the need to pick upon others.

That is it.

LOOK OUT IT'S A TEAL DEER!

Miharu---> rp journal