(no subject)

THE ADVICE MEME

I will reply to posted ones in a bit so I'm not stealing memes without doing em ♥

I think I may do an anon thing cause I wanna get things out, but...IDK. I don't wanna be down so close to Christmas. UGH.

BUT I do have all my Christmas stuff done. Letter will start being sent out this week~!

I think 55% of my journal is Meme's. :/

Also, watching Wall-e has made me realize how calming listening to Micheal Crawford's voice is for me.

(no subject)

I hate so much of who I am. It doesn't overwhelm me, and I think I do well at not letting it consume me (I think, maybe everyone does think I'm a whiny douche bag, but I don't know about it if they do)

I hate how much of a lazy, procrastinating under achiever I am. I hate how important some people are to me, and how it feel like I'm so unimportant to them. I hate how possessive I am. I hate how much little shit that probably doesn't matter to anyone gets under my skin and eats away at me. I hate feeling like I have the social skills of a retarded turtle, and that unless I'm pulling and twisting conversations from someone, I'm not worth talking to. I hate how I've probably done the same thing to others without noticing it. I hate feeling shitty for being smart, and feeling shitty for being stupid AT THE SAME FRIGGIN TIME. I hate that I feel like I'm always calling out, and reaching out and getting nothing back. And I hate that someone I care about just read that and feels shitty because they've been there, and I keep getting blinded to what's there for what's not. I hate that I feel like I can't say these things without coming across as an attention whore. And I am, but I am afraid that the people I need the attention from wouldn't respond and it'd kill me.

And I hate that any time I have these kind of thoughts I always get reminded of everything good I have. Because that doesn't make it go away, and then I just feel like an ungrateful BITCH on top of it.

I wish I could read people's minds. Because I assume the worst is thought of me. So finding out the good, that there is good, would be worth the bad of knowing what people truly think.

You know why I always hate those heroines who have everything and run away cause they're still not happy? Because I can relate too much. And I hate that...that bitch cowardliness. I don't think that's the right word. i don't know what is.